I recently reread “Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Kris Vallotton with Bill Johnson. This book has been a word of reassurance and great encouragement, and it has given me more security in my place as His daughter. God is passionate for me and my involvement in His Kingdom. Inasmuch as I want to serve the Lord, however, I have to learn what that looks like from my place in the palace of our King.

There is an Assessment at the end of the book. According to it, I am about halfway to the palace. In truth, I believe I live in the palace, but I’ve gotten lost in the neighboring fields and am finding my way back. I am doing this step by step with the God of Restoration. I have been living in the Kairos time of God since October, when I chose to blow up the tombstones commemorating my pain, loss, and disappointment. He has ordered my steps from the graveyard to His palace by way of Bethel’s Prophetic conference, a sozo, an Inner Healing and Deliverance conference, and Bethel School of Technology’s coding school. Yes, coding school! God knew how much this school would heal the broken places in me; He is redeeming my regrets through coding.

I am thankful that when I was so broken and could not raise my head, Jesus was with me. No condemnation, no impatience. He simply stood with me and poured out His love and compassion. But right now, in this moment, I understand that I am still in the wrong place! I have been resting in the knowledge of His love, grace, and mercy – and this is not wrong. However, I am His daughter, and my place is in His Presence at His table. Reading Supernatural Ways of Royalty right now has unearthed the deep, hidden lie that I still believe – I am an imposter in His throne room. Because I am not perfect, I am unworthy. I am believing the lie that I have to be perfect before people or else I am a fake. God is not calling me to be perfect before Him, so why do I still face a fear of man and his judgment – if I do not do all things in godly, perfect ways then I am not good enough. God alone is my Judge, the Ancient of Days. He sees me and covers me. He protects, stands watch over, keeps His eyes on me, and keeps me in His care… His favor is mine.

In my pauper mentality, I was prepared to give up myself completely, to let go of my identity, hopes and dreams to placate others who had already forsaken me, in hopes that there might be reconciliation. I believed the lies that I was not enough and everything I once loved about myself was somehow bad. In all my spiritual growth I did not see that my eyes were on a man with God standing in the distance behind him.

God is not the author of my losses, but He is absolutely giving me opportunities to see Him and to see ME. I see, but I am again being satisfied from a distance. I’m on the patio of the great palace, but I still have not opened those doors and reentered my place at His table. I see myself looking at my reflection in the windows those doors. I am strong, beautiful, intelligent, and passionate.

It is time to throw open those doors and step into my place as His Daughter. I am fierce, and there is much God and I will do together.